Jul 5 2010
Moved in with Andrew and Adam. Still not quite sure if this was a decision I wouldn’t regret, but it’s nice to be around people again, even though I do miss having the whole place to myself. Things are going alright and I really can’t say no to saving more than $200+ a month. At this stage of my life, I think saving up is still more important than living comfortably.
When it comes to relationship, I don’t really have much experience. But I certainly have seen many ups and downs of relationships from people around me throughout the years, as well as all the dramas that accompany them. It’s almost like I’ve learned so much about how to deal with relationships from seeing how others treat theirs. There’s a stereotype that Southern California people are more superficial and shallow, but from what I’ve experienced first hand so far, there are certainly more dramas up here. I despise greedy people who take what they have for granted and toy with others’ feelings. It’s like for some of us, we can’t even get one but they’re toying around with multiple. You would think that people would get wiser as they live through life and learn from their past mistakes. Not really. Love, lust, feelings make everyone act like an illogical, hormone-charged teenager.
Do I still want a relationship? Very much so.
Apr 22 2010
I feel like I was generally a happier person back when I was living in San Diego. Even though I was a broke college student; life wasn’t exactly comfortable; there were many more things I had to worry about and stress over, but somehow I was a lot more content with life. I was able to simply be happy by myself.
Nowadays I dislike myself for my insecurity and lack of confidence, for being silly enough to get my hopes up over boys that are out of my league, for giving myself chances to get hurt, for being pathetic enough to get emotional over it. Maybe I’ve always been this way, perhaps it was just the lack of time that prevented me from realizing it. Or maybe it was because I was still young and it felt like I had all the time in the world. Only now do I feel like I had left possibilities slipping by without even knowing I would regret it.
This upcoming weekend trip to San Diego is very much appreciated, and exactly what I needed; to get away from my current self, even just for a little bit.
Apr 12 2010
Friday I got off work early, so I went up to Berkeley and watched How to Train Your Dragon with Wally, Raymond, and Justin. It was a very cute movie. Probably not good enough to be on the top movie list or anything, but certainly very enjoyable and deserved to be watched in the theater. Honestly, I really wasn’t planning on watching it at all, but Johnny kept talking about it on his tumblr and I got curious. I’m glad I watched it though. We were supposed to get dinner Wednesday night, but he totally flaked out on me. I was very disappointed ‘cause I was really hoping to hang out with him, and I was also mad at myself for getting depressed over it. He replied the next day saying he didn’t get my message and set up another time to hang out on Friday. I half-heartedly agreed but honestly I didn’t think it was going to happen. I just don’t get the vibe that he genuinely wants to hang out with me. Since I got off work early on Friday I made plan with Wally, and then he texted me about the dinner. I was tempted to head back down to south bay to go to dinner with him, but staying with Wally just seemed easier. Maybe it’s just not meant to be. Maybe next time. If it’s meant to happen, it will. I guess.
After the movie, we went over to Eric’s place to hang out. He had a little get-together and a bunch of people were over. One of his friends knows card-readings and he was giving everyone a reading. What he said about my reading totally freaked me out. The two face cards were facing each other, so the guy I was thinking about has also thought about me romantically as well, but even though I’m ready for a relationship and I’ve put my heart out there, he’s just not ready for one and there are other things he has to work out first. My prolonged interest in him has also made things a bit awkward between us. I usually don’t believe in or pay much attention to superstitious things like this, but that reads like the story of my life. I was consciously thinking about Johnny, but somehow it sounded more about Wally. I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter. This could be said about any of the boys I liked. I’m always putting myself out there; always too eager while everyone else is being reserved. Things always end up getting awkward one way or another. Or maybe it’s all in my head; maybe I just get way too sensitive over the little things.
The rest of the weekend was a good distractor though. The Davis boys organized a scavenger hunt in downtown San Francisco on Saturday. I met a lot of people there and it was fun walking around Chinatown and doing goofy missions at Union Square. Sunday night was the Mayday DNA World Tour concert. Wes, Wally, Wayne, Mason, and I all got tickets to go months ago. I think Wayne and I were the only two who were really excited about it though ‘cause we actually listen to Mayday’s music, while the rest just got dragged along by us. I was really looking forward to it, since it was my first real big concert. Even though the atmosphere and the crowd were great, it is still a bit underwhelming for me in Mayday’s standard. Perhaps I just had too high of an expectation because of all the live concert DVDs I’ve seen of them. This is a relatively small venue for them after all. I had fun though and I’m certainly glad I went.
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